the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
