sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
