All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
