We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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