Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
