I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
