this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
