You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize