Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
