if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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