I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
