kristin has been a bad kristin
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
