no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
