Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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