i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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