I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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