Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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