I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
