Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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