does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
