How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
