wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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