omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
