I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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