don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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