I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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