D3 body, D1 cock
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
