I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
