Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize