sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
