I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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