I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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