We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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