Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
