I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
