I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
