you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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