This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
