My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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