i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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