Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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