i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
