Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
