my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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