i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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