how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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