how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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