On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize