Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize