I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
