watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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