so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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