apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
