So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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