He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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