Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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