Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
