i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My vagina is very pro this idea
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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