How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
