so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
